Vetoed Wedding Invitation Responses

As denied by a certain member of the council, here were my submissions to place on our wedding invitation response cards for folks to check off and return...

Positive

Yes, I can attend and life will not be as sweet until the day has come to pass!

Yes, I will be there, even though my secret desires to marry liz/doug (circle one) will now and forever be crashed upon the rocks of their fidelity!

Yes, I shall be present and blubbering!

Yes I will be there, can you find me a date?

Negative

No, I will not be present, and I do not love you enough to make any more effort.

No, I cannot attend because I have mis-placed priorities.

No, I won't be coming. Please pray for me.

I cannot be there, and I am simply miserable for it.

Well, I would come, except that I to wash my hair/do my nails/finish my novel (circle one)

I'll only come if I can be in the wedding party. Otherwise, your loss.